The Ripoff
by Tucker from Blood Gulch
Summary: A series of what ifs, as in 'what if Sonic and co lived in THIS universe' Genre and characters change depending on whatever story is most recent. M for the 'humor'.


The Ripoff

A series of bizzare crossovers, putting the Sonic characters in the shoes of the heroes or heroines of tales from all over!

Alright, here are the roles the Sonic characters are gonna be in this round:

Silver the Hedgehog- Harold Lee

Jet the Hawk- Kumar Patel

Nack the Weasel and Bark the Polar Bear- J.D. and Billy

Storm the Albatross- Cole

Blaze the Cat- Maria Quesa Dilla

Vector the Crocodile- Goldstein

MIles "Tails" Prower- Rosenburg

Chip- Burger Shack employee

Sonic the Hedgehog- Neil Patrick Harris

Ixis Naugus- Freakshow

Sally Acorn- Liane

Vanilla the Rabbit- Cindy Kim

Bean the Dynamite- Saikit Patel

Scourge the Hedgehog- Cop

Knuckles the Echidna- Black guy in Jail

Charmy Bee- Bradley the Stoner

Julie-Su and Lien-Da- Christy and Clarissa

Chapter One: Silver and Jet go to White Castle, part one

It was a normal day for Silvester Lee, a post-grad hedgehog from New Jersey. Wake up to the snoring of his roomate, Jet Patel, get dressed, grab a morning coffee, and get to work. As usual, he toiled for the company; he was the office work-horse, people dumped anything they didn't want to do on him. He didn't seem to mind; he had no life, the only high point of the week was, well, _getting_ high.

Yep. Silver and Jet were stoners.

Silver was currently working on some of his _own_ work, when a few files landed on his desk. He looked up, and saw Bark and Nack; the slightly higher-ups.

"Hey Silver, could you take care of these for me?" Bark asked, "I'm gonna be meeting with a client this weekend, and I don't have the time to work on this."

Silver started to stutter a response, and Bark said, "Thanks, I knew you'd understand. I owe you one, but just one."then they walked off, Nack sniggering on the way. At about the same time, Jet was at an interview for a medical school. His father so desperately wanted for him to become a doctor, but the two didn't really see eye-to-eye.

"Well, your test scores are off the charts," the Dean started, "you have quite the aptitude for medical knowledge."

Jet nodded with the most faux humility he could muster.

"Well, when you live with the best, you pick up a few things here or there."

The Dean chuckled, "You know, you may have heard from your father that we did some pretty wild things here."

Jet arched an eye-ridge, "Really?"

"Yes," the Dean said, and motioned to an old picture of a basketball team, "We started our own basketball team, the Hemaglobin Trotters," the Dean said, and chuckled some more, "You know, a play on the famous colored, er, negro... people of colors...well you get the idea-"

He was cut off by the ringing of Jet's cell, "Oh, erm, excuse me for a moment. I have to take this." Jet said, and whipped out his phone, "Yo, wassup Silver?"

"Hey, Jet. What're you doin'?"

"Ah, nothin' importantant." Jet said, earning a glare from the Dean.

"Listen, I'm gonna have to pull an all-nighter."

"Dude, you can't bail on me! We had plans!"  
"Sorry, man. You'll just have to do it without me. Why don't you hang with Vector and Miles?"  
"Listen, bro: we made plans, and I'm not getting high without you. And since when has that ever interfered with your work?"  
The Dean sputtered, and spilled his coffee on his pants. Jet hung up, and quickly got a few napkins.

"Here you go, sir. Looks like some mild scalding, first degree at the most."

The Dean sputtered, "I'm the Dean here, I know how to treat burns! And do you honestly think that I'd let you in after what you just said?"

Jet sighed, "No. In fact, I'm gonna be honest with you: the only reason I even came here today is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment." Jet said, and strolled on right out of the office.

Silver had finally got to his apartment, and much to his surprise the space right outside the building was open! He smirked a little, and started to pull in when a group of guys sped around the corner and shot right into the spot. A large grey albatross jumped out and pressed his face right up to the window, "Nice try, Ching-Chang! Don't they teach you how to drive where you come from?" he said then caught up with the rest of his gang. Silver sighed, and pulled away, discovering the closest empty parking spot three blocks away. When he finally made it into the lobby of his apartment, he saw her: Blaze Quesa Dilla, his neighbor and the girl he's had a crush on ever since moving into the building. He nearly walked into a wall staring at her, then quickly regained his composure as he headed into the same elevator with her.

"Erm, Hey Blaze." Silver said nervously. She smiled and said 'Hey' back.

"So, how was work for you today?"  
"Meh, pretty boring. You?"

"Fine, actually," he said, "hey, erm, what're you doing this weekend?"

Blaze sighed, "Well, other then lazing around eating Ben and Jerry's and watching reruns, I don't have anything planned."

Silver gave a small gulp, "Well, if you're not doing anything, maybe you could come over to my place, I've got a few pints of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

Blaze laughed and agreed.

Now let's show you what REALLY happened.

Silver got into the elevator with Blaze. They stood there for a small moment, before Silver remembered to press the elevator button. He tried a few times to get up his nerve and speak, but failed. When they finally reached their floor, Silver quickly stepped out and almost ran to his apartment. Jet was already there, in Silver's room, naked, and trimming his feathers. Silver nearly dropped his suitcase, "Jet? What the hell?"

"Oh, hey dude!"

"Are those my scissors? I trim my nose hairs with those, man!"

Jet got a weird look, "Dude, I've been using these to trim my pubes for the last six months..." he said, before Silver snatched his scissors back.

"Just get out of here!" He said, then grabbed a hand-vac and got to work. Meanwhile, Jet got on some clothes, walked out into the living room, and played a message on his answering machine

"Jet? It's Dad, I'm calling to remind you that you have another interview tomorrow. **Don't be late**."

Jet scoffed, and pulled out a medical textbook where he stored the weed. Silver walked out.

"Alright let's do this."

"In tonight's top story: a cheetah has escaped from the Central Park zoo-"

Silver grabbed the remote and went to guide, "Oh hey, Sixteen Candles is on. Sweet."

Jet rolled his eyes and got out an imaginary roll of paper, "Aaaaand the award for least hetero comment in this apartment goes to... Silvester Lee? Aw, come on down man, take a bow!"

Silver elbowed him,"Come on man, it's a classic; a story about a person who feels unnoticed, unnappreciated, unloved, you know?"

"*Yawn* Turn it."

"Great movie."

"Homo."

Silver flipped to a different channel, and some PSA starring two teenagers was on.

"Come on dude, just take a hit." Teen #1 said. Teen #2 looked unsure. "Don't you wanna be cool?" Teen #1 said. Teen #2 took the joint, and spluttered on his first hit. Teen #1 chuckled, then asked, "Dude, what're you doing?". Teen #2 said, "I'm so HIGH right now! Nothing can hurt me!" then grabbed a gun and pointed it at his head.

"Nooooooooo!" Teen #1 said, a bang followed, the screen faded black with the words 'Marijuana Kills' in red. Jet and Silver chuckled at this.

"Dude, I love this crap!" Jet snickered.

"We are _so_ high right now!"

Jet laughed, "We're definitely not low!"

Right then Silver's stomach growled, "Dude, I don't know about you but I'm starving," He said, and started to flip through take-out menus.

"Naw, dude, I dont' wanna order out." Jet said.

"Well, then what? Taco Bell? KFC?" Silver said, snickering on the last one.

"No. I wanna go somewhere we haven't been to in a long time. Something fresh, new."

And right then a White Castle commercial came on. Noone knows if it was the seductive female voice-over actress, or the slow-motion free-falling fries, but right then and there they decided that, no matter what, they were going to White Castle.

Order up: part one of first story, heavy on the cursing and the innuendo! Second course on the way!


End file.
